I had such a heavy heart this morning all throughout this afternoon. Some health issues regarding my fertility had me frozen in fear and anxiety, but a ray of hope was carrying me through: every morning I start my day by spending some time reading my Bible and my devotional.
This morning convicted me of the great need in my life to let God love me. Not only love me during my morning prayer time, but all throughout the day, come what may.
Boy did it “come what may” today, and yet I knew I could get through it because of His grace. I was glad I had resolved the night before to go to Mass after work. Usually this doesn’t work out for me, because I constantly work later than I am meant to. This is self inflicted, and really unhealthy.
My spiritual director has been encouraging me to be bold, and entrust my “urgent” and incomplete tasks to God at the end of the day; especially at home as to ensure I get 7-8 hours of sleep.
Mass was of course the most beautiful way to be with God and let Him love me, and yet, though my yoke was lightened, I still walked out feeling heavy hearted. I cast my fears unto Him on my way home, willing to trust His plans, and knowing that He knows the desires of my heart.
The fullness of His grace was in my mailbox. I was too blind to see Him in the most precious and holy Eucharist, but Jesus runs after my heart without any reserve.
Shortly after getting engaged, I wrote a letter to Emeritus Pope Benedict XVI, asking for his prayers for my upcoming wedding. I was certain the letter had gotten lost in the mail, or would be read by some nun who would write my name on some crazy long intentions list, and proceed to shred my letter. Gosh, as I write this I’m floored by my lack of hope and my cynicism. God prooved me wrong.
In my mailbox was a letter sent on behalf of His Holiness Benedict XVI. He assured me of his prayers and his blessing, and also enclosed two beautiful rosaries for me and my fiancé. My heart was overfilled with God’s love and the assurance of His personal and passionate love for me.
If you do one thing today, let it be a small prayer of thanksgiving for a personal way in which God has shown you His love. If you are willing to open your eyes, you may even find it in the most unlikely of places, such as a mailbox.