I am stoic, stubborn, and struggle with pride. In my world, weakness makes me anything BUT perfect. Thankfully, I am learning to let go of my world and it’s brokenness. I have anxiety and it is the source of a lot of suffering in my life.
And they went to a place which was called Gethsem’ane; and he said to his disciples, “Sit here, while I pray.” And he took with him Peter and James and John, and began to be greatly distressed and troubled. And he said to them, “My soul is very sorrowful, even to death; remain here, and watch.” And going a little farther, he fell on the ground and prayed that, if it were possible, the hour might pass from him. And he said, “Abba, Father, all things are possible to thee; remove this cup from me; yet not what I will, but what thou wilt.”
How that verse speaks to me: He fell on the ground and prayed that, if it were possible, the hour might pass for him. How small my cross is in comparison, but He has given us comfort in becoming human and sharing in our struggles. Christ, as true man, had fears and anxieties. He felt the burden of this world, so heavy that He falls to the ground and cries out to His Father. Am I doing the same when I’m suffering? Pride makes me believe that I must control these emotions, that I am weak because I suffer. God sent His Son so we wouldn’t believe in this lie, but be subject to His love and to His truth.
My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.” I will rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses, in order that the power of Christ may dwell in me. 2 Corinthians 12:9
May I come to believe that His grace is sufficient. I do not need an extra couple of hours in the day, an extra couple of days in my weekend. I want to let grace clear my schedule and fill my life with more Jesus and less of me. If I let God manage my time, He’ll also manage in turn my stress levels. I need to surrender control of my imperfect, but meticulously planned out agenda. I need room to breathe, and to focus on my real goal: sainthood. Not another load of laundry, not another blog post, not another writing gig, not another instagram worthy meal or outfit. How vain I become when I reject Him. I don’t want to be shallow, I want to live for more; in light of eternity. I suffer in letting go of my plans, in not being able to accomplish all of my goals, but in this weakness, He teaches me that I am made perfect.