I know what I want this blog to be: a space where I am vulnerable and share beauty. I want whoever falls upon my posts to feel like they’ve found community. It’s easy for me to shy away from posting here because being vulnerable is scary. This morning I woke up out of sorts. My nose was runny and my throat was scratchy. The day before I was incredibly grouchy (sorry sweet coworker, I promise it was me, not you). My soul had been attacked verociously with the lie that I am not beautiful, I am not worthy,
This lie of the devil was well timed. He knew my soul was in a fragile place. I just started reading a book that is making me reconsider so many of my vices and pushing me to grow spiritually. I’ve been opening up my heart to God and offering Him up these faults; asking Him to come and perfect me. As I share what I hate most about myself, it is only natural that my enemy would want me to think I cannot overcome my weaknesses. The devil loves a defeated heart, but you see, hope is a gift of God. By His grace, I know this to not be true. I know He has loved me in such a way that His blood would wash away all evil from me and prepare my place at His banquet table.
As the day goes on, peace and joy swell up in my heart. I burn my tongue on my cup of Earl Grey, reflecting on the beauty of this morning. I gave You my sickness, and went to Mass. You gave me Yourself and I knew that I was beautiful. I am loved. It is a constant battle for me to slow down.
My son, do not busy yourself with many matters; There is another who is slow and needs help, who lacks strength and abounds in poverty; but the eyes of the Lord look upon him for his good; he lifts him out of his low estate and raises up his head, so that many are amazed at him. -Sirach 11:10,12-13
My pride incites me to always perform and load up my plate. I could have tried and accomplished a million things on my sick day, but no, Your wisdom guided me to sit down in a coffee shop. I planned out posts and meals for the upcoming week and trust that You only ask me to do what You give me time to do. I may plan and plan, but I’m ok with You throwing my plans out the window. I want to let life happen. I want to be open to perceiving Beauty. Such as the photographs I had forgotten were in my notebook. Beauty is waiting to heal you. Let yourself seek Beauty and be embraced by it’s goodness.