I went to Montreal this weekend to find some beauty and peace; to rest. I found myself acknowledging that I am struggling in my faith. My intellect is convicted of God’s existence and the truth of the Church, but my heart resists God’s kingship. How do I bring my heart where my head is? I can’t seem to reconcile reason and faith.
I’ve read the apologetics, I don’t need another written explanation of God’s infinite love. I need to encounter it. God’s love is an encounter – a relationship.
As in every relationship, we need to invest time, and be vulnerable with the other, in order for it to grow in love. I’m trying to make more room for God in my life. I may not feel His presence in my life, but I know it is there. I will continue to abandon myself to Him and His will, though my heart hurts, and I do not understand it.
My faith is weak, but I have hope. While visiting St. Joseph’s oratory, hoping for some healing from my health issues, I found myself suprisingly not asking for that intention as I prayed over St. André’s tomb, but rather asking St. André and St. Joseph to help me accept God’s will. It was a supernatural moment. It was the last thing I wanted to pray for, but having just gone to Mass I had the graces to let the Holy Spirit move my heart.
As I walked away from the tomb, my husband commented on how this place was thin. I asked what he meant. He explained that he felt as though there were only a small degree of seperation here between heaven and earth.
Yes, I nodded with tears in my eyes. The Church is thin.
It’s my experience that you really don’t need that much when travelling. In fact, you really don’t need that many material things in life. I lived in Germany for three months with two very full suitcases when I was fifteen and found that I only used a third of what I brought. Since then, I’ve taken a much more simple approach when it comes to packing. The best way for me to keep things simple is to plan out a capsule wardrobe. It may seem really overly thought out to plan an outfit for every single day, but it doesn’t take that much time. I promise 🙂
I drew up this little capsule this morning at my favourite coffee shop. I was done before I finished my Nutella hot chocolate; less than thirty minutes. I stress quite easily so being prepared and organized helps me calm down. I was listening to a podcast episode of Catholic Stuff You Should Know last night and Fr. O’Laughlin was talking about working hard/planning, but accepting that the outcome/result of your labour is out of your control. We can’t plan God’s will; we can only choose to submit ourselves to it. I’m trying my best to be organized and prepared for what God wants to teach me on this trip, but ultimately, I just want to say serviam.
I’m flying out to Vancouver on Tuesday. I’m trying to be organized and pack this weekend. I’m only bringing a carry on for the six days I’ll be there. My mother is a chronic over packer and often asks me to help her when she’s travelling. I thought I might do a mini travel series and show you how I try and organize myself when I am travelling. I figure my mother isn’t the only one who over packs 😉 Keep a look out for another travel post tomorrow!