This month is filled with doodles of leaves and Fall inspired pictures gathered from Pinterest. I love that the air here in Ottawa has gotten crisp and that I can wear cozy sweaters and drink heaps of tea to keep my hands warm. I went and bought my favourite candle, Autumn, at Bath and Body Works on August 31st. Since then it’s been burning and making me want to cozy up my entire apartment with candles and heaps of throws. How do you transition your home into Fall?
I wanted to set up a weekly layout instead of just doing some rapid bullet entries this month. When I’m feeling anxious I like to see my week at a glance. Coming up with new layouts also brings me so much joy. I recently saw Transforming Beauty‘s post on Instagram which reads: “May your life be well ordered so your art can be wild”. I’ve been trying to live that and I see so much truth in it. It’s what motivated this blog in the first place. I was living an ordered life when I began writing consistently, and was so creative during that season. I want to get back to that place.
If you’re unfamiliar with the bullet journal concept, it’s pretty much the best thing since sliced bread. You can find out more here. I’ve been using it on and off for the past three years, and I just love it’s flexibility and ability to store all the swirling thoughts in my mind. Please keep me in your prayers this week, that it might be well ordered, and that my art be wild.
It’s infertility awareness week. It’s something I don’t talk about much, but it doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be discussed. I wrote about my struggles with subfertility last year, and the response I got was overwhelming. There are so many hearts that are breaking over this heavy cross – mine included.
A cloud of darkness has overshadowed me since I was diagnosed with PCOS and my faith has been struggling. Yet I can’t help but see that in the midst of all of this pain, all of this suffering, there is good that has emerged from it. There’s no denying that my faith is being stretched and I am being called to mature in my relationship with God. This is not a season of consolations. God is asking me to seek Him despite the pain, despite unanswered prayers, and I am. I seek Him, because I know that He loves me.
He looks at my heart, as He pours His out, hanging on the cross. The cross is the reminder that He bore the ultimate suffering so that I would never have to buy the lie that I am alone. Whatever pain, whatever struggle you are facing, you are not alone. You are loved by a God who has made you and known you from the womb. He keeps a record of every tear you cry. There is no suffering in which Jesus does not accompany you. The Lord has promised to deliver us from our distress.
I reflect on the sweetness of my honeymoon spent in the Rocky Mountains, and all of the beauty of God’s wilderness I saw during that week. That beauty remains in the depth of my heart.
I was in need of this verse today, of the truth of His deep, unmoving love. My prayer is that if you are feeling despair, you would know you are not alone.
You are loved.
I went to Montreal this weekend to find some beauty and peace; to rest. I found myself acknowledging that I am struggling in my faith. My intellect is convicted of God’s existence and the truth of the Church, but my heart resists God’s kingship. How do I bring my heart where my head is? I can’t seem to reconcile reason and faith.
I’ve read the apologetics, I don’t need another written explanation of God’s infinite love. I need to encounter it. God’s love is an encounter – a relationship.
As in every relationship, we need to invest time, and be vulnerable with the other, in order for it to grow in love. I’m trying to make more room for God in my life. I may not feel His presence in my life, but I know it is there. I will continue to abandon myself to Him and His will, though my heart hurts, and I do not understand it.
My faith is weak, but I have hope. While visiting St. Joseph’s oratory, hoping for some healing from my health issues, I found myself suprisingly not asking for that intention as I prayed over St. André’s tomb, but rather asking St. André and St. Joseph to help me accept God’s will. It was a supernatural moment. It was the last thing I wanted to pray for, but having just gone to Mass I had the graces to let the Holy Spirit move my heart.
As I walked away from the tomb, my husband commented on how this place was thin. I asked what he meant. He explained that he felt as though there were only a small degree of seperation here between heaven and earth.
Yes, I nodded with tears in my eyes. The Church is thin.
Ah, the story of Joseph. In reading it this morning, I am struck by the reality that I am Joseph<s evil brothers in my own life. I laugh and brush off my dreams.
Has God placed something upon your heart, but you are too scared to dream about it, and hope in it? I want to be a woman of faith. I don’t want to hide my dream from my Father.
Let us be like Joseph, and turn to our Father, sharing our dream with Him. If our dream is of His will, He will have it grow and bear fruit. It may not happen according to our desired timeline, but God is faithful. The question is “Will we be faithful, and bring our dream to Him in the quiet of prayer, day after day, year after year, with a humble and obedient heart, open to having Him possibly replace our dram for a greater one: His?”.